A few weeks ago M’s therapist was asking about my “support system.” For me that term fits right up there for me with “self care.” I know I should work on these things. When M first arrived, I tried to join a moms group but I was turned away because they told me they weren’t comfortable with bottle feeding. Or rather they told me that “we are passionate about breastfeeding and don’t think you would be comfortable in this group.” When hanging out with my friends who recently had babies, I learned this was probably true. The conversation always turned to birth stories and whose nose the baby has. I rarely had anything to add to the conversation and did feel ostracized. After all M was dropped off on a Saturday night by a DCFS van and we have no idea what his birth mom looks like or who his birth dad is.
In recent months, as M sensory issues seem to have taken over our lives, I find myself more and more distanced from traditional parent groups. We tried toddler music class but that was WAY too over stimulating. We tried toddler gymnastics thinking the problem with music class was the noise and sitting, but that was worse. It just leads to other parents thinking I can’t control my kids behavior. They think that his episodes are normal toddler behavior unchecked by discipline. It is frustrating. I haven’t yet developed a thick enough skin to ignore the glares and whispering.
Now, I find myself with the most in common with parenting groups about kids with FASD or even other disabilities. I find comfort in dismissing parenting techniques as being for NT children. Unfortunately, I haven’t found the support in life, only online. I don’t have a support system for those weeks when it is really bad and I need a break, I don’t even know where to start to find that kind of help. Thank God I am not a single parent at least I can lean on G on occasion. Although he does prioritize work over family and I do the opposite so I end up bearing the brunt of the parenting and household tasks.
It is my New Years resolution. I need to develop a support system. I am desperately in need of a place to vent and a parent support group who understands what our life is like.